Abigail's Cross Become Crown

“Now the name of the man was Nabel, and the name of his wife was Abigail. The woman was discerning and beautiful, but the man was harsh and badly behaved.” – 1 Samuel 25.3

Scores of books have been written on marriage. Some, like Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, painstakingly chronicle its deterioration following the devastations of infidelity. Others, like Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, are satirical in tone, and with wit and humor highlight the inherent differences between the sexes and our consequent tendency to misunderstand one another.

But perhaps the most difficult – nay, terrifying – fact about marriage is the unpredictability of its members. “Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance,” says Jane Austen. In this, she is indeed right for if ‘happiness’ may be defined as that sate of flourishing which is the natural byproduct of two people seeking each other’s best, then there is no telling whether husband and wife will prove themselves faithful over the course of a lifetime.

Success or 'happiness' in marriage is unpredictable because people are unpredictable. I can make reasonable estimations based on the history, temperament, and present behavior of my spouse as to whether or not he will faithfully abide by the promises he made on our wedding day. But because I cannot know the future I cannot unequivocally predict his or my reaction to it. Goethe says that “But for the slightest change in my character there is not I crime I would not be capable of committing.” If I am of sound mind, such knowledge should inspire fear -- fear not only of myself but of the human heart itself. For I am presumptuous if I think that, apart from the fear of God and an unwavering devotion to His Word, I am not in danger of becoming a most heinous version of myself, seeking my pleasure wherever I may find it, at whatever cost to those I hold most dear.

All life is risk-taking; and to marry is to take a calculated risk based on limited information and imperfect knowledge.

How did Abigail – a woman of purported discernment – wind up married to a foolish man like Nabel? Most probably he was chosen by her parents or clan and she had little if any control in the decision that ultimately formed the substance of her daily life. We may look at her circumstances and deem them tragic because she was doomed to come of age in a time when women had so little freedom. And yet, surveying our own culture, one could draw the same conclusion. How is it that Western women, in an age of robust freedom and privilege, remain so untutored in the school of character that they make such poor decisions, resulting in so many broken marriages, broken homes, and broken-hearted children?

Whatever your culture or circumstance, there are no guarantees. You can take the safest, most calculated risk in existence and it remains possible that you could one day wind up in Abigail’s position.

What hope, you may ask, remains, if such is our state? Our Hope is a Person. For God, “…has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you” (1 Peter 1.3-5). We are right to look upon ourselves with fear and mistrust; but we must remember that our security rests absolutely on the solid rock of Christ, not the fluctuating currents of our own, or other's, hearts.

We do not determine what evolutions will give shape to our temporal circumstances; but we can, through faith in Christ and good stewardship, determine the ambiance of our eternity. A wise man once told me, “No one can destroy your life but you.” The Bible is filled with many holy and upright men and women who achieved greatness, not because they had perfect marriages, but in spite of the fact that their marriages were imperfect.

Abigail’s tale may begin a tragedy but it ends in triumph. She hoped in and feared God, and willingly took grave risks in order to protect her household. It is beyond debate that her character impacted the landscape of her future. But her faithfulness is mirrored and outshone by the faithfulness of a God who moves her from being the wife of a fool to the wife of a king. He breaks through her shattered circumstances and uses her faithfulnesses to turn her mourning into gladness, her angst to joy. In the end she is no longer the object of pity, but the recipient of praise: “Blessed be your discretion and blessed be you,” says David, “Go up in peace to your house. See, I have obeyed your voice, and I have granted your petition” (1 Samuel 26.32, 35).