Beginnings

"In my end is my beginning...in my beginning is my end." - T.S. Eliot, The Four Quartets

These words remain etched in my mind because they describe something which is at the heart of human experience. By that I mean: change, cycles, seasons. It is a paradox: beginnings give way to endings which are in themselves beginnings.

Ironically, there is no state closer to oldest age than earliest infancy when the baby is most helpless and the world most hostile. When my daughter was first born - toothless, with shriveled skin, wrinkled brow, and a pursed and frowning mouth - I couldn't help but call her 'my old woman.' In her beginning I could faintly perceive her end.

One most memorable beginning in my life occurred in 2003 when, exactly one year after our marriage, my husband and I moved to the desert of Arizona, to Tucson, where circumstances had made us desperate enough to accept a job.

To my inexperienced young mind I thought this an ending.

I am not one of those 'desert dwellers;' I have never been naturally drawn toward the rugged, barren beauty that has captivated the imaginations of some. Having grown up in the verdant, misty Northwest, I am most at home indoors, rain streaking the window pane, with a strong cup of coffee and an absorbing book. The desert, to me, meant death, isolation, and of course stifling heat. In five years I have not gotten over how blindingly, paralyzingly hot it is when the desert warms up.And so, at first, I felt as though I had been cast out of civilization, as both an exile and prisoner.

I wasn't all wrong. There was truth in what the writer of Lamentations says for: "I was walled in on every side so that I could not get out" (3.7). Bu what I didn't realize was that my story was not unique: it was also the story of Joseph, Moses, Abraham, even Christ Himself.

And so I came to understand that death is not the end; nor is the death of a hope. In fact, it is and was only a beginning, a giving way to something better if infinitely more mysterious...

My purpose in keeping this blog is to chronicle what became, and continues to be, a journey toward Hope in Jesus Christ.

May it bring nourishment to your soul,

H.M. Baker

"Passing through the Valley of Baca [Wilderness] they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with blessings." - Psalm 84.6